I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
