So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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