it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
