nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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