Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is it penis luge time yet?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
