i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I won't apologize to a one balled man
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
