I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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