well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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