You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
