I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
