Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
