my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
