How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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