...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
