it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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