the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
