He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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