What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
