He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
