We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
