I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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