And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
