Barsexuality is the new black.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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