im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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