a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My ass is underappreciated
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
