guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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