The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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