Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
