plz talk dirty to me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
