We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
