I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
