Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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