The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
