So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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