I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
