Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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