Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
