....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
