you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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