am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
