Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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