I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
