Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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