I wanna bring you to show and tell
Where did you get a picture of my penis
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
