I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
