YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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