In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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