I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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