And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
