Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
