we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
