Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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