I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
