Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
