I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
