i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
